In the future we'll all be gay
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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