end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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