I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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