What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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