Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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