careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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