so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
