Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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