that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
