Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
