mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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