just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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