i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
