I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
