I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
