Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
