GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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