i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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