I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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