I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
