Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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