That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
