Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
