Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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