Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
