I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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