i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
