the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
