just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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