you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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