I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
