My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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