It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ruined the universe
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
