I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
