i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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