Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
