i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
