finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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