I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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