If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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