recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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