i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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