More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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