You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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