Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
