If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We left the knife in your bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
