I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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