that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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