Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
