I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
