I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
