If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
