okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
