You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
why does every cop we meet know your name?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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