Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
