maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
