i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
