U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
