Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
