he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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