we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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