I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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