He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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