I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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