Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
