You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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