Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
